Advice I wish someone had given me as a working mom

Hint: It's NOT Lean In!!!
Each child is different. One of my children needs snuggles, the other needs quality time.
But as a working mom, the latter was hard to come by.

I saw my eldest and I drifting further apart every day.
He would climb over me in bed to jump in his dad's arms.
I would say "I love you" only to get silence in return.
If it was like this when he was 5, what would it be like when he was 15?
My heart was breaking...

I resorted to a dramatic solution. I gave up my full time job and took a part time role so I could course-correct our relationship. 

A few months into this new routine, I started to enjoy spontaneous hugs!  "I love you too" started rolling off his tongue easily and seamlessly. 

But did I need to take such a dramatic stance?

Hindsight is 20/20.  And I want to tell new moms, it doesn't have to be black or white.
If you work full time, and you have a child that really needs quality time (many do!), steal the moments.  Don't let the emotional divide grow to the point of despair. Don't let a drought take root...  Many of you know this, instinctively. Many full-time working moms do this, maybe subconsciously. As a person who didn't have much exposure to young children growing up, this was all new to me...  I thought loving my child was enough. The reality is, your child needs to FEEL loved. 
So, here is what I learned...

• Make a special date on a Saturday or any day you don't work.
• If you can do it, take a day off to spend with your child.
• Pull your child from school for a special day together.
• Block the time MONTHS in advance.
• Make it recurring in your calendar.
• Travel all week? Pick up your kids at 3pm each day for a week when you are back in town.
• Work on a crazy project for a long period of time? Take a long weekend off to recalibrate.
• Take your child for breakfast before school.
• Wake them up at 6am on a Sunday for some special time together.
• Make it a point to go to lunch after a morning doctor appointment.
• Steal the moments.
• As brief as they need to be. Be selfish and disciplined about it.

The reality is, many moms need to work for financial reasons, or they simply LOVE their careers, which is A-OK!!! But we can keep those emotional tanks full.  We can keep the connection healthy in little incremental moments. I wish someone had told me all this...

No one will miss you for those couple of hours, but your child will relish those very moments.

One book that was truly helpful to me was The 5 Love Languages of Children by Chapman and Campbell  (I mention this as friendly advice - I was not asked to review anything! I just simply loved this book and when I read it wanted to give it to every mom I know!)
Let me know how you manage to keep your children's emotional tanks full! What do you do to keep the relationship in bloom, amidst the chaos and the stress?
Wishing you happy babies and happy blooms!
xo, Lori

Tip #3: When you need PEACE, do this!

The kids are restless and climbing up the walls.

Yes, the trade-off is a messy living room, but we are talking about easy peasy clean up, none of this play dough stuck in the rug, legos in the vent type of clean up... this is just cushions and a sheet. The return on investment on the mess is FANTASTIC. You get giggles and PEACE, no fighting, and some independent play that is quite nice... So

Your kids are climbing up the walls and it's pouring rain outside ---> build a fort
The kids are fighting and can't get along ---> build two forts
You are watching someone else's kids and you are not sure what to do ---> build a fort
You are home after a long day and you don't have the energy and need a moment to catch your breath ---> build a fort

And then the possibilities are endless. Pillows in the fort, stuffed toys, a little snack, a flashlight, books, dinosaurs or transformers, dolls or puppets...

It doesn't take much... and can offer MUCH sanity in those insane moments...
Sure to create giggles and peace.  And isn't that what it's all about?

What is "Balance" anyways??? and why don't I have it? Maybe a little bird can tell me... or 4...

What is "Balance" anyways??? and why don't I have it?  Maybe a little bird can tell me...

Is it that place where you get it all done and still have time to get your eyebrows done?
Or where you have time to shave BOTH legs in the morning?
Where you aren't yelling at your kids to get in the car?
Where you are fulfilled in work but are not owned by it?
Where you feel on your game because you got veggies into your kids?
Where you got your holiday cards done and you can still get 8 hours of sleep?

It has been YEARS. I've tried to find balance, be balanced, have work/life balance. It's exhausting! In this unending hunt to find this nebulous concept of "balance", something hit me recently - maybe I'm looking outside for the answer (the organizational tool, the notebook, the lists, the tips, the app). Maybe I need to look on the inside... MAYBE, just MAYBE it means striking harmony between Body, Mind, Soul and Heart...

And like that, this weekend, I told my husband he needed to make dinner because I was running to a craft store. (Thanks sweetie, that was mean Chicken/Broc/Ziti!!)

I created my balance birds!!! 4 birds and a bird bath.

My Balance Birds

My Body Bird - (Blue) Have I been good to my body? Have I eaten well? Exercised? Slept enough?
My Mind Bird - ( Brown) Did I do a great job on a project? Help a colleague? Feel good about accomplishments? Going in a direction I want?
My Heart Bird - (Red) My relationships... With my kids, my spouse, my family, and friends. Am  I cultivating relationships? Am I telling people I love them? Am I present to my children and handling those stressful situations with grace?

My Heart Bird

My Soul Bird - (Yellow) Am I doing things that feed my soul? Blogging, taking a road trip with my kids, supporting a cause that is dear to me, checking in with an old friend...

I will see how I do. Every night, before I go to bed, I take a minute to reflect on each area of my life. I look at my birds and feed those that I feel I nourished throughout the day.

Let's see which bird takes flight. Hopefully balance means they take flight together.

If you think balance birds might help you, let your creative juices flow and go with it - and report back!! I'm happy to help as well!

In the mean time, be well Super Mamas!
xo

Tip #2: Grab this at bedtime - you won't be sorry!

YES. They are already wayyy behind bed time and I want to say "GO.TO.BED!!!" but in that last minute, once they are snuggled and finally ready to rest, I realize that something happens...  A moment presents itself, my kids open up. They are ready to share, chat, and be in the moment with me. And I have a choice. I can rush and run out and go tend to my list of things to do, or I can stop.

Stop rushing. Stop going. Stop thinking.

Be still.

It's right there in front of me - one of life's sweetest gifts - a heart to heart with my kiddo.

No matter how small the moment - grab it.  

"I wish I was 6..."
"Why isn't 5 pretty cool?"
"Yeah... I get to be the boss of my little brother..."
 "Yes, I'm not sure how long that will last... "

Because maybe in those little moments, we are planting seeds... Maybe those little moments grow into bigger moments when our kids are in their teens.  Maybe this is one way of telling our kids they can say whatever they need to say even if it's not on our schedule...

Maybe these few minutes are in fact some of the most important in my whole day...

Let me know what sweet moments you stumble on right before your kiddos go to sleep.

In the mean time, be well super mamas! And please send me your parenting epiphanies!!!
xoL

Parenting tip #1: Leave it to Mr. Frog

Please Note: I am NO parenting expert. I'm just trying to shape my little munchkins into healthy, happy, good human beings without losing my noodles... 
I am going to share three tips that help me each day!

These work for my kids aged 3 and 5... Not sure how long they will work for, but I'm going to milk them for as long as I can!! 

Tip #1: Leave it to Mr. Frog

Ex: I want my son to brush his teeth. He won't. I repeat it, I get kind of hung up on the fact that he isn't listening. I start talking louder. The quantity and volume of words are increasing by the second, and the results? ZERO. ZIPPO. NADA.

At that point, I look at his bed and see Mr. Frog. He's giving me this pitying look saying "You poor thing.. Let me show you how this is done."

So I do.

I pick up Mr. Frog and let him take over.  "Greg, don't you want to have pearly white teeth?" Suddenly, Greg is in a trance!  "Yes" he says. "So why are you giving your mom a hard time? Come on, let's go brush together" and off they go, Mr. Frog and Greg getting those teeth pearly white!! 

Mr. Frog did it again. He rocks. And I'm ok with that.

Give it a try - I'd LOVE to hear about how this works for you!!!
And pls share your tips!

I'll be back soon with Tip #2!

In the mean time, be well super mamas!

Thank you humanKIND!

A colleague and friend of mine emailed a group of us and asked "what are you thankful for?"

I had trouble writing my email back. I just teared up and was flooded with all sorts of feelings!!

Just two years ago, the kids at Sandy Hook were taken away. Like 9/11, that tragedy really shook me up and tuned me into a vibration where I live a little more sad and a little more scared... Sad as a mom, and scared of the unknown and the unexpected...  Daily, we hear heart wrenching news... and sometimes it gets to be quite heavy and quite a lot to process... Just this week, how many moms and dads are totally trying to piece together enough strength to survive the next 5 minutes in Pakistan...  

All those feelings make me cherish the little things...  I'm thankful for the moment my little ones give me a hug in the morning. I'm thankful for the moment I hand my husband his coffee to take along in the car. I'm thankful for the call to my family while I'm driving to the post office, for the hot tea I can drink while I work or the text message from an old friend. I'm thankful for all those little, tiny, simple but precious moments...

But what makes me feel truly better is when I take a minute to think about the GOOD I see in the world!  When I do get overwhelmed, I can quickly think of organizations, people, small and large businesses that each, in their own way, mobilize behind a cause or a person or an issue.  Together we make big differences and even the smallest act can affect big change.  So the spirit of giving keeps me hopeful and thankful...  So thank you ALL good peeps out there. Thank you for being soldiers of hope and joy.  Thank you for staying strong.  Thank you for even the smallest act of kindness.  Thank you for being humankind.

I wish you peace, love and joy this holiday season.

May your life be a long string of little (and big) precious moments. And may we appreciate, find hope, and relish in the sweetness of the small things, because in the end, they aren't small afterall... 
 
Happy Holidays,
xo
Lori

Eggo wins today.

I did it. 

I mustered the courage to leave my leadership role.  I left the job that made me so happy in one area of my life but left me longing in another. I spoke up at the risk of being rejected, of being tossed aside. I spoke up although I was scared of the financial reality of leaving my job.   

I didn't quit. I reshuffled. I decided to think in 6 month increments while I take a lifetime view of things... 

I gave up 50 percent of my salary for 100 percent of my sanity.

I am on a new journey.

It's day 4. I will work 20 hours a week in an industry I love (real estate), but I will spend the other 80 hours  a week in a life I love (home with my family).

I won't be in the thick of it at work. I won't be on any fast track, and that was hard for me to calibrate in my head. There will be financial concessions too. 

I have called this the power struggle between Ego and Eggo....

Ladies maybe we can't have it all today, but I believe we sure can over the course of a lifetime.

Let's not feel like we have to check every box every moment of every day.

The reality is, we will need to hit the gas, or the brake or just coast in career at various points of our lives, for money, for ego, for the love of what we do, for a title, for a baby, a toddler, a teenager, a parent or spouse or OURSELVES.

It's all ok. All of it.

I first had to forgive myself for not being able to be all things to all people. Then I needed to assess who I needed to be to those who need me the most.

Then I swapped my blazer in for my yoga pants.

Eggo wins today. And that's ok.