Thank you humanKIND!

A colleague and friend of mine emailed a group of us and asked "what are you thankful for?"

I had trouble writing my email back. I just teared up and was flooded with all sorts of feelings!!

Just two years ago, the kids at Sandy Hook were taken away. Like 9/11, that tragedy really shook me up and tuned me into a vibration where I live a little more sad and a little more scared... Sad as a mom, and scared of the unknown and the unexpected...  Daily, we hear heart wrenching news... and sometimes it gets to be quite heavy and quite a lot to process... Just this week, how many moms and dads are totally trying to piece together enough strength to survive the next 5 minutes in Pakistan...  

All those feelings make me cherish the little things...  I'm thankful for the moment my little ones give me a hug in the morning. I'm thankful for the moment I hand my husband his coffee to take along in the car. I'm thankful for the call to my family while I'm driving to the post office, for the hot tea I can drink while I work or the text message from an old friend. I'm thankful for all those little, tiny, simple but precious moments...

But what makes me feel truly better is when I take a minute to think about the GOOD I see in the world!  When I do get overwhelmed, I can quickly think of organizations, people, small and large businesses that each, in their own way, mobilize behind a cause or a person or an issue.  Together we make big differences and even the smallest act can affect big change.  So the spirit of giving keeps me hopeful and thankful...  So thank you ALL good peeps out there. Thank you for being soldiers of hope and joy.  Thank you for staying strong.  Thank you for even the smallest act of kindness.  Thank you for being humankind.

I wish you peace, love and joy this holiday season.

May your life be a long string of little (and big) precious moments. And may we appreciate, find hope, and relish in the sweetness of the small things, because in the end, they aren't small afterall... 
 
Happy Holidays,
xo
Lori

Eggo wins today.

I did it. 

I mustered the courage to leave my leadership role.  I left the job that made me so happy in one area of my life but left me longing in another. I spoke up at the risk of being rejected, of being tossed aside. I spoke up although I was scared of the financial reality of leaving my job.   

I didn't quit. I reshuffled. I decided to think in 6 month increments while I take a lifetime view of things... 

I gave up 50 percent of my salary for 100 percent of my sanity.

I am on a new journey.

It's day 4. I will work 20 hours a week in an industry I love (real estate), but I will spend the other 80 hours  a week in a life I love (home with my family).

I won't be in the thick of it at work. I won't be on any fast track, and that was hard for me to calibrate in my head. There will be financial concessions too. 

I have called this the power struggle between Ego and Eggo....

Ladies maybe we can't have it all today, but I believe we sure can over the course of a lifetime.

Let's not feel like we have to check every box every moment of every day.

The reality is, we will need to hit the gas, or the brake or just coast in career at various points of our lives, for money, for ego, for the love of what we do, for a title, for a baby, a toddler, a teenager, a parent or spouse or OURSELVES.

It's all ok. All of it.

I first had to forgive myself for not being able to be all things to all people. Then I needed to assess who I needed to be to those who need me the most.

Then I swapped my blazer in for my yoga pants.

Eggo wins today. And that's ok.

Sanity and meatloaf

Some days you just need to go easy on yourself. Those days when one munchkin is on antibiotics, and the second is a week or so behind, both with sniffly noses.

It's not the day for "eat your veggies", it's the day for "want ice cream for dinner?"

I went into the day with both boys whining and bickering. They were feeling icky all over and that makes them slightly irritable... Their voices go up a few octaves, the piercing whine occurring at about 8 minute intervals for reasons like one took the spot the other wanted on the sofa or the other looked at him crooked. I get it. I know it's not easy to be sick.

I looked at my husband and I said  " I have two goals for today, 1) sanity, and 2) meatloaf, in that order."

(You know, you can't ignore those 2 pounds of organic beef in the fridge that NEED to be cooked, but sanity is critical...)

Setting ultra low expectations and ignoring the pounds of laundry that had piled up over the week and the gazillion toys that needed to be put away allowed me to muster the energy to avoid the screeches and ensure the smoothest day for all of us!

Two trips to the park, one Halloween Curious George movie, one hour of raking and jumping in leaf piles, one hour of painting toy trucks, two mega spinach & banana shakes, 4 Popsicles, lots of crackers, one visit with an old friend and yes some time in the kitchen later, I had survived the day.  I maintained my sanity AND made a delicious meatloaf the kids actually ate. (Thank you ketchup and Parmesan cheese)

I feel good.  They have gone 11 minutes without a fight. They are in their pj's. They have had their cough medicines, their bellies are full... Maybe I'll sneak in one more Curious George. Just one more.
Ahhh....
The next two goals are 1) laundry, and 2) a glass of wine... Ok, maybe not in that order...

Hug-in-a-box

I did it! I made my hug-in-a-box lunches for my little guys! I've made lunches two days in a row, and my time has already improved by half! (That may be because it took me about one hour the first time... But who's counting?!)

Day 1 was a breeze. Both smiling, and posing for the camera!!  My 4.999 year old was happy as a clam... My 3.001 year old was so proud of himself stating "mommy, I didn't cry, I'm a big boy"...

Course, I felt the need to tell him that big boys cry too sometimes, and that it is ok to cry, but that I was very proud of the strength he showed.

Today was Day 2... Eldest hops out of bed and is ready to go! My little one looked surprised! Wait, school again? But I already went to school... I go again?  Poor kid... So, today,  he cried.... A lot... It made me so sad...

After hugging him and trying to show him mr. Potato head, and admiring his art work from his first day, bringing him his lovey, talking to his teacher, trying to make him laugh, giving him one uber long hug, then another, I needed to leave for work... 

My husband, suspecting drop off would be tougher today, drove by the play-school on his way to work and saw my car parked outside... He stopped and texted me... "I'm outside if you need me".

When I walked out, it was so nice to see him, waiting in the car - my very own hug-in-a-box.

Hang in there sweet mamas! Wishing you tear free drop offs, all around.
Xox

While Mommy's at Work book is ready to be shared!!

Hi all! After two years, and many 30-minute snippets stolen from the wee hours of the night, my little book is finally here! While Mommy's at Work is a gift to my two amazing kiddos, Doug and Greg! But now I want to share it with moms and dads, uncle and aunts and grandparents and all that love a child from afar.

 It is on amazon at http://amzn.to/1CjiyhS

 I have always wanted to explain to my kids that they should feel safe and secure knowing they loved "always and all ways", when at school or daycare and when we are apart. This little book is my attempt to tell them just that! ;)

I want to thank my family, friends and endless cheerleaders in my life who have encouraged me along the way, read endless drafts and edits and been so encouraging in this process.

I want to thank the friends who have allowed me to include their children in this book. All the kids in this little book are growing up alongside ours and it's been beautiful to watch these wonderful friendships take form over the last several years!

Thank you all for liking my Facebook page and for all your encouraging words!
Enjoy my little book!
Sending you all love (bubbles)!

Lori
Ps: If you are outside the US, it is cheaper for you to contact me directly at tomloriconnor@gmail.com and shipping will be $8.00 which is half of Amazon rates!

Making school lunches doesn't need to feel like Iron Chef!

Is anyone else stressed out about Back to School? My eldest is going into preschool and my littlest is going into playschool/day care... And I'm feeling such anxiety about the first day of school...

You know, the basic anxieties surrounding such questions as:

How will the first day drop off go? Will I cry too?

Are they going to have teachers they like? Please be a loving, wonderful, giving, amazing teacher...No pressure!

Will they make friends? Please have nice, sweet friends and be a good friend!

Will they be happy? 

That's all there, running through my mind... But those aren't the biggest sources of anxiety... The biggest source of anxiety is related to being organized enough to pack their lunches.....

Where will I find those 15 precious minutes it takes to prep?

What will I make, day in and day out?

Am I organized enough to plan for a whole week?

Do we pack lunches the night before? Day of?

What if they don't like it, will they starve?

Do I need labels? Thermoses? Tupperware?

Ziplock or reusable bags?

Love notes in each one?

It's enough to cause slight hyperventilation...

Then I realize they are psyched about the cartoon lunch boxes I got them! They love my smiley cheese and tomato faces so, I can pack do-it-yourself smiley faces! I should try to be environmentally conscious cuz heck it's the right thing to do... I'm not going to get every lunch perfectly right and maybe in my tactical approach to this, I'm missing a big opportunity! 

Yes, the purpose is to nourish my little men, and I've been doing that for a while now... But these lunches can also be a nice way to make the distance between us feel a little smaller during the day... This doesn't need to feel like Iron Chef!

I can find my unique ways of making it so when they open their lunch boxes, they find a little bit of home inside... In the way I slice the cheese or the way I spice up the tuna sandwich. A little something familiar in an unfamiliar place. A kind of lunch that feels like a hug...

Ok... I'm feeling better... I can do this... I can find those 15 minutes and pour my heart into a tuna sandwich. I will survive lunch prep... One hug-in-a-box, full-of-love, homemade lunch at a time. 

Sand with a side of blueberries

A few Fridays ago, I had the day off, and decided to be spontaneous and scoop my boys and toys and towels and chairs and snacks and drinks, and diapers and sunscreen and bug spray, and hats and just whimsically jump in the car and head to the beach! After 90 minutes I was ready to go!

 A good friend came with her 3 girls. We had 5 kids under 5 to two of us. I felt vulnerable...

The walk from the car to the beach was epic. Together, she and I looked like we were Sherpas to a team of 15 explorers rising to the top of Everest.  We scuttled through a crazy crowded beach, and settled at the water, arms pulsating from carrying our cargo, sweat on our brow.  All our mini travelers arrived safely, walking through the lanes of cars and over the hot sand. Not a tear shed along the way - a miraculous feat!

Some want to swim, some want to sit, some want to eat blueberries that become slightly sandy, some want to eat sand, with a side of blueberries. We spray sunscreen, put on hats, more spray, please keep your hat on....   You need to go potty? But we just did 15 minutes ago, trek to the slightly yucky public bathroom again and again, over hot sand, can I pleeeeease tell my child to pee in the ocean? Don't step on that sand castle, no I didn't pack the blue shovel, I packed the green one and the white one.

I came home in need of a chair, a beer, and a moment of silence. But in the midst of it all were the slivers of sweetness that I had had a hankering for that very morning.

The kids were kind to each other, holding hands here and there to navigate the cars and the crowds. They created, imagined, dug and sculpted. They discovered a love of splashing in the waves and a crab in their bucket (dead maybe, but they didn't let it spoil the magic.)
 My eldest played frisbee and made a new friend. My little one giggled as we played in the sand.  My eldest and I shared "I love you" winks from afar, and my little one, nestling his head in the crook of my neck, gave me the sweetest, tightest squeeze...

And so it was, my perfect day at the beach.

A beta version of me

This week, my kids have been going to bed later and later each night… The impediments of summer, but also part of what makes summer a little magical… But every night, they've been pushing the envelope with the constant flow of procrastination tactics! I mean, if pushing off bedtime was a national sport, college would be paid for!  “I’m hungry, I want milk, I’m not tired, I want to play, I have to go potty, I need my mimi (blanket), where’s Stillwater (stuffed panda), I neeeeeed Stillwater, is that thunder?, I’m scared, can we read a book?, can I watch Dinosaur Train?, I don’t want to brush my teeth just yet, can I finish this puzzle?”.

And at first I can take it. I’m ready, I’m patient,  I’m smiling. I’m “pre-9PM” Mom.

Pre-9PM Mom explains that their brains grow in the middle of the night, their muscles form and they get stronger, smarter and healthier in their sleep, and that sleeping will keep them happy and healthy. Pre-9PM Mom explains that they get to see friends in dreamland, and can reminisce about their day, can imagine flying in the sky or being at the beach. Pre-9PM Mom tells stories, sings songs, and asks them what kind of burrito they are as they lay wrapped all snuggly in their blanket and pretends to take a big bite out of them when they declare they are a cheese burrito.

But at 9pm, something happens… It’s like Cinderella’s stroke of midnight, or like dusk in a vampire movie...

Post-9PM Mom shows up… The stress of the next day starts to set in, the to-do lists start to run through her mind… Post-9PM Mom's voice drops an octave and her eyes turn serious. Post-9PM Mom means business!  

Post-9PM Mom NEEDS to come out if these kids are EVER to get to sleep…  

Or does she?

I'm working on an 8PM version of myself...  Surely I can wrap things up before the strike of 9… Surely I can put them to bed before I lose the incredible intellect and concentration it takes to outsmart a 4 year old.  

But knowing I will go to work before they wake up, and knowing I won't see them until dinner the next night, I too want the extra book, the extra song and the extra burrito snuggle.  

Maybe the 8PM version of me (she is still in beta) should be focused on disciplining ME instead of them...
     

Ralk with me

Last Saturday, I woke up inspired to try to get some exercise...  

Those beautiful summer days are fleeting and we must embrace them as best we can!  (True New Englander talking here!)  

"I'll go for a run!"  I thought for a split second...  That sounded like a super plan, except for one small, little, tiny detail... I don't run... Well - let's not be so black and white - I mean, if I were in Barcelona for the Running of the Bulls or if I saw Sting waiting to catch a train, I mean - I would run.  And I would run fast.

But the regular just "create some sense of urgency and run for the sake of running" thing is not for me...

So "I'll go for a walk" came to mind. I mean, I walk - heck I've walked the 3-day Avon Breast Cancer walk twice - that's 3 days of walking, that's 60 miles of trekking, twice, but somehow I didn't think I'd get the workout that I wanted...

So I told my son - "let's go for a run, or a walk, I mean, a run, or a ralk"

He said "Mom you said a ralk". And it took my little guy to help me notice what I had said.  And it was PERFECT! "YES that's it, let's RALK!!!"

You want to Ralk with me Douglas? He said SURE!!!

So off we went, me pushing the double stroller with both kiddos, music in one ear, and somehow my walk was more fun when I called it a Ralk - a little pep in my step, a little run in my walk, and a little ralking and rolling. 

 A little sweat, a lot of fresh air, and I was one happy camper. 

I wish you lots of ralking and rolling this summer. Enjoy the beautiful scenery and a moment of Zen here and there.  Be good to yourself because, let's face it - You ralk!

Capturing that split second where freak out can turn into chill out

I follow a wonderful woman Vidette Vanderweide who is building a community of moms who want to live a zenful life! She's great. Down to earth, fun, and totally in touch with the struggles we face and the wonders we can embrace.

In this video she talks about a flash moment that I have studied and thought about and continue to work on my mind over matter 'ness on. It's that flash moment you think you will lose it because your kids are just NOT listening and you think you might explode.  It happens a lot when I get home from work. For some reason there is a 20 minute period where things go crazy before normal (whatever that is) is somewhat restored. 

I call this going from ego to eggo - serious to light and fluffy :)
Whatever IT is, she captures that split second in this video and it's brilliant! 

Thank you Vidette :) 

youtube.com/watch?v=M2v3Sv9s3v4

I just hit print - my little book is on its way!

It was in my heart and poured out of me one day on a fall Sunday afternoon. My kids were in the backyard with my husband and I was watching from the kitchen window, feeling the Sunday blues settle in. Not because I don't love my job, but because I love my kids too and on Sundays, I start to  miss them eventhough I'm staring right at them...

How can you miss someone who is right in front of you? I do. Somehow, I do.

So I abandonned my station at the sink and ran over to an old notebook.  There it was - an outpouring, in pencil, just scribbled on random pages in the back. And poof - there was born a skeleton of a story that for me was a way for me to rationalize and work through my mommy guilt...  A way for me to convey to my children how much I love them, and that I never stop loving them, even when I'm not with them.

That was in November 2012...Well a year and a half later, many little hours here and hours there (mostly in the middle of the night), my little book has taken shape! I hit print tonight. I ordered a small batch and am excited to give it to my children and release it to the world! If it can help one more mommy then it's a success!

It's titled "while mommy's at work", if you hadn't guessed :)

I'll let you know when it's ready.

In the meantime, take care of yourselves super mamas!
  

Can you lean in and be present to your kids?

My youngest is going to be 3...when I was 6 months pregnant with him, I accepted a new job... Now that's what I call leaning in!! I was going to manage people for the first time. I was a department head. I wasn't a CEO or a big exec but this was a big deal for me! But man if I were leaning through a "career window"  I would have fallen out of it!!! I don't remember the first two years of my son's life... Apart from the zillion pictures I hurriedly snapped every weekend to, almost in a desperate haze, record my life for later review... It flew by. Each night I logged onto my office computer trying to please everyone at work and fix a broken department that I had inherited... Each day I left before my kids woke up so that I could get to daycare at a reasonable time. Each night I'd get home and both boys would have the "20 minute meltdown" almost to tell me "what the heck mom?!?!?!?".
It was hard. Emotionally, physically and mentally.

Can we lean in and be present to children? Can those things coexist? Or is it like a see-saw with mommy on one side, and corporate tycoon on the other?  My gut tells me it's a see-saw... My gut, my head, my heart, and my burnt-out self tell me it's TOTALLY a see-saw because I think I'm trying to keep both sides up and it's wearing me down... 
Maybe it's about trying to find that happy place where both versions of yourself get to happily float, softly bounce, and allow each other to ebb and flow. Maybe it's about ensuring your see- saw doesn't turn into a slingshot!

hello world - a first time blog for busy mamas by a busy mama

Hello world... wow... I'm trying my hand at blogging... a working mom, finding time to pull together a string of coherent words...  Of course it's 12:32 am. And I have this feeling like "who cares about what I have to say" but then I have conversations with so many working mom friends, and SAHM friends and we all have so much to share about this journey we call mommyhood...  So, I figured, what the heck?!

I am mom to two awesome boys, 2 and 4, almost 3 and 5. I work a LOT And am trying to make sense of it all. I have streaming thoughts in my head "quit your job, your kids will not be 3 and 5 forever", "you are in the prime of your career, what the hell are you thinking?" "we have a talent shortage, surely I can afford 1 to 2 years and then can jump back in" and then "how the hell am I going to pay for that? We will be eating ramen noodles" and then "I need to be an advocate for longer maternity, and more affordable care!! Washington, hear me roar!"
I vacilate between "I am SO angry with corporate america" to "I love that having kids didn't derail my career".

In short, I'm a hot mess...
 
In the mean time, my boys are getting older and my brain hurts from all the permutations...
I just started Arianna Huffington's Thrive... I am hoping that in it, I will find the answers to all my life questions...  And I hope she spills the beans early because there are no guarantees this mama's attention span will make it!  No pressure Arianna!
I'll keep you posted!
Til next time super mamas!